Assertive communication: how to speak up for yourself and others
Assertive communication is the practice of speaking up for yourself and others with honesty, respect and care. It’s rooted in authenticity and empathy — the belief that everyone’s voice has value — and it aims to create outcomes that serve both self and system.
Learning to communicate assertively (in other words, to find your voice) is a vital life skill. It helps you to:
Play an active role in shaping your own path
Advocate for the wellbeing of others
Engage in thoughtful dialogue that leads to positive change
It can be useful to think of communication along a continuum:
passive ↔ assertive ↔ aggressive
Assertive communication sits at the midpoint — the place where clarity meets compassion.
Passive communication
At one end of the continuum lies passive communication. People who communicate passively often have a history of being criticised or dismissed when they’ve expressed their needs. Over time, they learn that silence feels safer than conflict.
To protect themselves from rejection or shame, they may swallow their voices, defer to others, or over-accommodate. While this strategy reduces short-term discomfort, it comes at a cost. Suppressing your authentic expression can lead to emotional exhaustion, disconnection, and burnout, and it prevents you from influencing the world around you in meaningful ways.
Passive communication is often linked to a heightened threat response — the nervous system’s instinct to avoid harm — rather than a lack of courage or conviction.
Aggressive communication
At the other end of the spectrum is aggressive communication. This style often arises when someone equates dominance with safety. They may believe that speaking loudly, interrupting, or asserting control will protect them from vulnerability or loss of power.
Aggressive communicators often convey a sense of entitlement or superiority, but beneath that can sit fear — of being unseen, unheard, or undermined.
While it’s important to express your needs clearly, communication that disregards others’ perspectives erodes trust, damages relationships and, ultimately, undermines collaboration and influence.
Assertive communication: the middle ground
Assertive communication is the space between withdrawal and domination — where honesty and empathy coexist. It’s about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in ways that are clear, respectful, and values-aligned.
To communicate assertively, you need a strong sense of what matters most to you. Self-knowledge anchors your words in authenticity. After all, you can’t stand up for what you haven’t yet identified.
Reflective questions
These prompts can help you explore and strengthen your assertive voice:
What truly matters to me — what’s worth speaking up for?
Do I tend to communicate passively, aggressively, or somewhere in between?
When do I already communicate assertively? What makes that possible?
In challenging situations, what stops me from being assertive?
What would become possible if I expressed myself with both honesty and care?
Next steps
Communicating assertively doesn’t mean speaking louder — it means speaking truer.
When you choose to communicate assertively, you acknowledge that all of our voices matter and that each of us plays a role in creating positive change. If you’d like support to find your voice, please get in touch.